New And Old

Urza Planeswalker as he appears in the card 'M...
Urza Planeswalker as he appears in the card ‘Mind Over Matter’ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It started when I was reading the Waincraft site about Vanir deities, which are listed by archetype. I clicked on the Maker, because I’ve always been fascinated by that kind of archetype, and I totally got a ping off one of the gods listed.

I went and looked up all the gods listed under the Maker, mostly finding them vaguely interesting but not specifically grabbing me. I was definitely getting a “no” vibe off Wayland Smith, though (so much for picking one pantheon and sticking with that, right?) and then I specifically pinged on Ilmarinen, a Finnish god who’s even described as an artificer in his Wikipedia article.

Digression: Let me tell you about my Sordid Chaos Magic Past. I worked with a lot of archetype-gods who were fictional characters. One of the archetype-gods we worked with was Urza, the Artificer, which may sound familiar to you if you used to be into Magic: the Gathering.

SO you probably see where this is going, right?

(He said I needed to learn to spell his name, and I said I could spell it perfectly fine. “U-R-Z-A.” But I’m kind of a catty bastard even with deities. One of these days that’ll bite me in the ass, but today is not that day.)

For some reason, if we’ve worked with someone before, even if it’s been ages and ages, the connection generally remains and can be pushed open again if you get too close – kind of like an automatic door at the supermarket. It takes hardly any effort. So suddenly we’ve got his attention and I asked him if he wants something from me. I mean, I’m a creative person, and obviously I had a great creative day yesterday, and we’ve come close to gods associated with Making or Inspiration before so it was a natural question.

He said maybe later, right now we can’t get anything done.

Which, despite the great day yesterday, is true in a larger sense. I am terrible about starting projects, sticking to things, keeping track of ideas… I am disorganized and the depression that’s been hanging over me lately makes it hard to start and follow through on projects. Thinking about it honestly, we stopped working with Urza about the time the depression and ennui really set in – when I was really struggling with school and I shut down my businesses and projects and kind of gave up on everything.

And then, like my RESEARCH ALL THE THINGS problem, I’m also an organization porn junkie. I’ve tried every system out there and given up on almost all of them. Right now I use a hybrid of Google Tasks, Google Calendar, Springpad, Simplenote, and Evernote. It is exactly as overly-complex and distracting as it sounds.

He said that if I dedicate myself to a system, and to a couple of goals… essentially, he wants me to show that I’m ready to build things. Then he’ll help me build them.

I desperately need that, since I have, seriously, no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Except for not what I’m doing now. I like freelance writing, but I have a hard time finding gigs I’m interested in, and making myself just do it. I have great ideas and I let them fade away and never really do anything with them. If he can help me with that? I am so all over that.

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