One Slow, Agonizing Step At A Time

I’m making slow and steady progress against the frustrating red tape.  I sent off yet more paperwork today. The good news is that, despite that, my frustration has dissipated and I am once again hopeful and excited about starting.

I got a sign on Thursday that I’m still on track despite my frustration, or perhaps because of it. I spent the better part of an hour trying to coordinate a discussion between two offices on exactly what kind of paperwork I needed, since one office was asking for something the second office swore they could not provide. I managed to get the first office on the phone after twenty minutes on hold and tried to hand her off to the woman in the second office, to let them fight it out between them. Neither one of them would have it. I felt like lashing out in frustration.

There have been several times when I stopped and thought to myself that the effort wasn’t worth it, that I should maybe just give up and keep doing the job I hate. But if I gave up just because it was hard and frustrating, I would feel even worse than I did in the office. I stuck it out. And now I’m even closer than I was last week. I’m hopeful as well.

Of course, there’s no way to know whether tomorrow will bring good news or another round of paperwork arguments. All I can do for now is sleep well tonight and check back tomorrow.

Patience is a really boring lesson to learn, even if it is a necessary one.

My surgery got rescheduled and now it is just after my first blacksmithing class instead of just before, which is a huge relief. I was worried about being able to drag myself out the day after surgery, and the newly-scheduled date means that I’ll be spending less time just waiting around at the hospital as well. I’d been nervous about the timing since I noticed it (my blacksmithing class inexplicably starts the Saturday before the actual semester) but hadn’t actually been able to justify rescheduling it.

The call to reschedule came on Thursday, almost immediately after I’d finished dealing with a paperwork snafu that was so frustrating I was threatening to cry because the other option was threatening to punch somebody and I knew that would not help. I certainly can’t say for sure that the surgery change was arranged to reward me for putting up with the damned paperwork frustration, but I feel that way regardless.

Apparently Ilmarinen is going to teach me patience come hell or high water.

Ah well, there are worse lessons to learn. I’m still not sure how I feel about being a “project.” To be honest, I don’t even know for sure that that’s how he views me – I get very little directly from him. Certainly nothing on the level that was coming from Odin and Loki while they were working on me. This is a lot subtler – which in some ways is playing havoc with my coincidence/magical thinking issues, and is part of the reason I’ve been working to unpack them so intently for the last two months.

… Which sounds like another lesson, now that I think about it.

I would complain about the subtlety but I suspect it’s what I need right now. Just point me in the direction you need me to go and shove, and I’ll get there.

I just got an email from a blacksmithing site that notes “Work the metal hot and you will save yourself a lot of trouble.” Pushing me to the brink of giving up, to see what I do… I suppose that is working the metal hot. I hope it’s succeeding.

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