I’ve talked a bit before about how I struggle with “positive thinking” because I worry that I’ll jinx things if I’m too hopeful about them – I think this comes from a childhood lesson in disappointment, where actually going and doing things was not nearly as exciting as I thought they would be. (Perhaps the year my parents took me to Disney World and then my sister proceded to throw a week-long fit about everything I wanted to do? Anyway.)
The other side of that is that, once I have a good thing, I worry that something bad has to happen to balance it out. I spend a lot of time waiting for the other shoe to drop, if you will. To the best of my research, that’s very common with anxiety – take away the thing causing anxiety, and Lizard Brain will look around for something else to fill the anxiety-shaped hole.
I’ve decided to set myself an arbitrary deadline of The End Of This Week, since I’m worried that posting about something good will jinx it. At the same time, though, a public response is called for. If the other shoe is still up in the air at the end of the week, I’m going to say fuck that shoe.
That is not the mental image I was planning to end up at.
Suffice to say that either way, this week’s gauge check should be interesting.