Metamorphosis

My anxiety has… I don’t dare say it’s gone away. That’s tempting fate. But it’s metamorphosed. It’s shifted from a caterpillar of job hunting anxiety, through the first week’s coccoon of social anxiety and is now blossoming into a multicolored butterfly of neurosis, beating my wings against the bell jar of responsibility, trying to suss out the shape of my job description.

That metaphor got a bit out of hand, didn’t it?

I often convince myself that once I reach some specific goal, my anxiety will go away. Most recently it was finding a job I liked. Before that it was finding a job at all, and before that it was moving.  Somehow the bar keeps getting pushed further back – anxiety is a lot like time wasters or bills. It expands to fill the space allotted.

I suspect my best bet is to fill the space with something other than anxiety – distractions, projects, anything at all. It’s another kind of obsessive thought, a pattern-seeking in the universe, and while it too can go awry, it’ll probably get me out of this particular spiral pit now that I really do have better things to think about.

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