I have to say, Deb has a real gift for bringing up things that are directly relevant to me. This week she suggests we address the way our physical bodies represent us in the world and I have to admit I’ve been doing that for a while now. The new job requires a higher quality/more professional wardrobe than I’ve ever needed before, so I’ve been doing a lot of thrift shopping, a lot of trying things on, and a lot of trying to decide what looks good on my body.
Today was the first day in six months, for example, that I had an excuse to break into my tie collection. It won’t be six months again, I can tell you that. And while fixing my self-image is going to be a much longer-term project, the feedback I’ve gotten from Amber so far as helped. I cannot honestly judge how I look, so I bring her along and let her do the hard part for me.
I have also been making a concerted effort to choose my scents with intention. I have several amazing scents from Conjure Oils that I’ve been rotating through and combining, as well as experimenting with soaps and shampoos.
A large part of my professional life is spent in the throes of Imposter Syndrome. Maybe what I need is something more intentional, something that’ll convince me that… well, if I can’t convince myself that I’m an adult, I can at least convince myself that everyone else views me as an adult. And that means glamour in the fairy-tale sense of the word, spellwork that causes people to see you in a certain way.
To an extent, I’m already doing that with my wardrobe upgrades and my scent choices, but I’ve been doing it haphazardly up to this point and that’s not enough. I can’t shop well for myself because of my own hangups, but I can shop for the person I want people to see as soon as I decide who that is. I intend to draft a description of this self and empower it as a part of my shields. I think I’ll key it to specific pieces of jewelry so that I can “take it off” when I’m not at work – I don’t want to be Professional all the time. Just when it’s needed. And Amber will help me make sure that this looks good in conjunction with the person I actually am, since I don’t want to be shopping for clothes that fit my mind’s eye but not my body.
So that’s the plan. I’ll draft that self-concept tomorrow if I have time, and I won’t worry about the thrift stores until I know what – and who – I’m shopping for.