I feel like I have nothing at all to talk about this week, as all my social energies are wound up in the new job. This is slowly normalizing, and I’m hoping I can spare some words for fiction this weekend, but right now I’m pretty distractable. I did paint this week, though! And that felt good, so I’ll have to do it again soon.
Work just keeps chewing on me, though. I’ve been vaguely aware that I have workaholic tendencies for years. It became a running joke between my girlfriend and I; when I was running late getting out of work and she was waiting for me, she would text “okay, everyone’s left, you can come out now” or something similar. In the land of temping and phone jobs, I had largely forgotten this, because phone jobs make it nearly impossible to care enough to be a workaholic.
This week, my boss sent me home an hour early on Thursday night (because I’d worked late the night before, and come in early to finish what I hadn’t had time to finish then, and cut my lunch hour short because a client had arrived forty minutes early) and I will still have at least two hours of overtime on my paycheck. I know two hours isn’t a lot of overtime, but it’s an indication of my inability to leave well enough alone.
On the other hand, I got my first new job paycheck today, and even though it’s not two full weeks, it’s such a huge relief to be making enough to actually pay my bills again. (Now if it would just get warm enough that I could turn off the damn near-useless heater in this apartment…) This is also the first place I’ve ever worked that was efficient enough to get my first paycheck to me by direct deposit. I am impressed!
My anxiety is down a lot more than you might think, based on how much I’m working and how little I’m being social. I really do feel good though, even if I’m still finding things to worry about. Amber and I had a serious discussion about my issues with food and I feel like managing to articulate some of these feelings has helped me to calm the compulsions down just a tad.
Magically, I have ideas, I have vague plans, but I don’t have anything solid. But that’s okay. I’ll get there when the getting’s good.