Despair is a dish best served lukewarm…

This blog was intended to be about feeling the fear and doing it anyway but I think it’s somewhat disingenuous if I skip over the bits that are more like feel the fear and spend the evening under a blanket playing Where’s the Water. Which is what I did last night, because sometimes you just have to win at a video game until you know nothing bad will happen.

I was thinking a little bit too much about this webcomic. It’s amazing what can set someone off, isn’t it? But when one of your most paralyzing fears is mediocrity, well…

It’s the voice that tells me that if I haven’t done it yet, I shouldn’t bother. Because who cares? Because who reads my novels? My poetry? My blog posts, even? (Well, I shouldn’t say that, because if you’re reading it, the answer is “you,” obviously.) But people do read the things I write, even if it’s not a lot of people, and I know it’s just self-doubt and personal demons messing with me.

To top it off, I woke up with a little twinge in my back – it’s not even there all the time, it comes and goes when I’m sitting badly – but my cousin’s sore back led to her cancer diagnosis so every time it twinges, I’m have this small wave of panic. Even though her back hurt enough that she went to the hospital for it, and this is definitely not that bad. Even though she had other symptoms that she ignored before that.

Okay, I’m gonna go flail some more and look at Star Trek fashion blogs. See y’all tomorrow, when hopefully my brain is behaving again.

0 thoughts on “Despair is a dish best served lukewarm…

  1. Take a deep breath, calm down, and tell yourself you are wonderful! I read that comic thing and damn it kinda got me too, but you have to know you’re an awesome writer! You are not mediocre in any way!

  2. I think all writers struggle with these feelings. I don’t mind blogging, but when it comes to my Writing… that’s only available to one person – my writing partner, whom I trust implicitly (and who delivers criticisms shuffled into myriad words of praise and showering adoration – as she should, LOL). I have come to believe that most writers are absolutely certain of their own mediocrity. For both our sakes, I hope that eventually goes away! And I hope your back isn’t cancer. And that your cousin has recovered/is in recovery.

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