I got this blog in the interest of exploring magic and mental illness. One of those… really, both of those have fallen by the wayside. Religion is not magical practice, after all, and while I enjoy talking about the deities and spirits I’m fortunate enough to work with, that wasn’t what the blog was for. (I actually envisioned this as a much more secular project, believe it or not…)
So I just finished Jason Miller’s Financial Sorcery and I’m thinking about trying several things he writes about in the book. I haven’t worked out all the details yet but the goal is to write here as I do.
I don’t talk about things naturally. This doesn’t have any one source. I was raised in a family that didn’t discuss, well, anything with anyone. Beyond that, though, my OCD also comes into play. There are, according to my Lizard Brain, a great many ways to jinx any good thing, and talking about it is one of the surest. To top it off, my ex believed that talking about anything outside the household was a betrayal.
And my ex has some influence on my thoughts still. I know she’s aware of this blog’s existence. I fear showing weakness… not just to her but to anyone who may read this blog.
But it defeats the whole purpose of the blog if I’m scared to write about my OCD flaring up, or the magic I’m doing, or the reason I’m doing it. I’ve clung to the maxim of “to keep silent” long enough, and for all the wrong reasons.
So what now? I can’t promise radical honesty. I plan to outline my goals based on Financial Sorcery. I will do my best to talk frankly about our financial situation. If someone who doesn’t like me is reading, and they take some joy in my imperfections, then so be it. Having an audience is nice and all, but if I’m not tracking the things I got this blog to track, there’s no point.