Gauge Check: Setting Foundations

It seems like I’m currently in more of a “planning” period than an active period. As far as writing goes, I make it a habit to do NaNoWriMo every year, and that means October is Getting Ready For NaNo, not necessarily about writing. I have a couple of small goals for the week, like finishing two prompt lists for a writing community I’m in, but mostly I’m thinking about the outline for my NaNo project.

The other creative foundation I set this week will come to fruition a bit sooner: I’ve made arrangements to start taking silversmith classes at a small studio in the next town over. That will be starting next weekend. It’s all about technique, not necessarily producing any actual jewelry, but I feel like it’ll fill in the large gap between “really basic jewelry soldering” and “serious metal shop work”.

I spent Saturday doing a different kind of planning. Amber and I took the “zombie class” – ie. CPR and blood-borne pathogens – that is the last requirement for foster parentage that we can complete before moving into a larger apartment. Because of that, I spent a lot of the day yesterday thinking about my parents and the way I was raised. For the first time, I felt like I could draw clear lines between what I learned from my parents and how I allowed myself to be treated in romantic relationships.

You know the stereotype of the oldest child who takes care of everyone and puts everyone else first? I was raised like that, with the added bonus that whenever my younger sister or the other kids we ran with did something stupid or dangerous, I got in trouble too. I was the oldest. I should have been more responsible. And so basically I grew up believing that everyone else’s needs were more important than mine, and it took me years and years to understand that no, the correct response was “Everyone always leaves me! I’ll kill myself if you leave me too!” was not to stay.

I think I should spend some quality time with Kuan Yin this week. I feel like I need it.

Anyway. Now that I’ve figured out where that comes from, it’ll be easier to dismantle in the future. I just worry what I’ll be like with a child. Of course, I’ve known plenty of people with parents much worse than mine, so hopefully it’ll turn out okay.

0 thoughts on “Gauge Check: Setting Foundations

  1. I spent an inordinate amount of time during pregnancy and the first couple years of parenting intellectualizing to downright worrying about what Wes needed, and if I was capable of giving it to him. JJ was the same.

    The two things they need is to know it’s okay to screw up, and the way real love feels. You’ve already learned both those lessons–I have confidence in you.

    (Bonus if you teach them how to survive the zombie apocalypse.)

    1. So, funny story. Before the class started, the foster parent across the table mentioned he’d been investigated because of something one of his kids said to his birth parent – something about how if the was a zombie attack, his plan was to get up on the roof and shoot them. Apparently the birth parent was worried he was actually taking the kid out on the roof or something. So Am turned to me and informed me I’m not to give our daughter any zombie apocalypse training until the adoption is complete. Actual quotes include “I want to raise a child that stands a chance of winning the Hunger Games.”

      1. Best story! XD

        Oh, so yeah, you guys are on the same parenting page as us. Excellent.

        In all seriousness, parenting is just about teaching your kid to pilot their own craft. The more opportunities you can give them to stretch their wings in an environment where you are still around to offer constructive feedback, the more peace of mind you’ll have about them leaving.

    1. Congrats on starting the process! We’re going through the foster care system; I think it varies a lot by state and by how you’re going about it. Are you going through the state or through a private agency?

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