It seems like I’m currently in more of a “planning” period than an active period. As far as writing goes, I make it a habit to do NaNoWriMo every year, and that means October is Getting Ready For NaNo, not necessarily about writing. I have a couple of small goals for the week, like finishing two prompt lists for a writing community I’m in, but mostly I’m thinking about the outline for my NaNo project.
The other creative foundation I set this week will come to fruition a bit sooner: I’ve made arrangements to start taking silversmith classes at a small studio in the next town over. That will be starting next weekend. It’s all about technique, not necessarily producing any actual jewelry, but I feel like it’ll fill in the large gap between “really basic jewelry soldering” and “serious metal shop work”.
I spent Saturday doing a different kind of planning. Amber and I took the “zombie class” – ie. CPR and blood-borne pathogens – that is the last requirement for foster parentage that we can complete before moving into a larger apartment. Because of that, I spent a lot of the day yesterday thinking about my parents and the way I was raised. For the first time, I felt like I could draw clear lines between what I learned from my parents and how I allowed myself to be treated in romantic relationships.
You know the stereotype of the oldest child who takes care of everyone and puts everyone else first? I was raised like that, with the added bonus that whenever my younger sister or the other kids we ran with did something stupid or dangerous, I got in trouble too. I was the oldest. I should have been more responsible. And so basically I grew up believing that everyone else’s needs were more important than mine, and it took me years and years to understand that no, the correct response was “Everyone always leaves me! I’ll kill myself if you leave me too!” was not to stay.
I think I should spend some quality time with Kuan Yin this week. I feel like I need it.
Anyway. Now that I’ve figured out where that comes from, it’ll be easier to dismantle in the future. I just worry what I’ll be like with a child. Of course, I’ve known plenty of people with parents much worse than mine, so hopefully it’ll turn out okay.