When you’re used to the DIY philosophy, it can be hard to recognize when you need an expert. I’ve run up against this in my housing lately – there’s a plumbing issue that I have to turn over to my landlord, as much as I hate to do that – but it can also come up metaphysically.
I can count on one hand the number of tarot readings I had done for me before I learned to read them. I started teaching myself spells as soon as I learned spells were a real thing. At that point I didn’t have much income anyway, so I couldn’t have afforded a regular reader or someone to do spells for me. But even when I had a good chunk of disposable income, my instinct was to do it myself. I may take someone up on an offered reading, but when I have a question I reach for my own cards first.
Sometimes you need that outside perspective, though. In the past, I’ve had very good friends volunteer to read for me when I was particularly stymied on an issue, and recently I was very fortunate to win a reading from Circle Thrice. Ivy’s readings go into tremendous depth, and I had looked at her website and wished I could afford one before her contest.
Because I’ve been frustrated in my search for full-time work, I asked for her input on several avenues I’ve been pursuing and the results were startling. For one thing, she cut through exactly why I’ve been unhappy with freelance writing and essentially gave me permission to stop beating my head against that wall. Considering how popular freelance writing is as a side gig suggestion, I suspect it would have been easy for a reader to want to interpret that as a good option.
In fact, one of the outlets she said was the strongest was one I almost didn’t list at all – I’d nearly given up on finding full-time office work in my field or a tangential area. Amazingly, the week after the reading I had two interview calls for office work. My cause may not be as lost as I thought it was. Ivy’s readings combine divination skills with actual business and project management knowledge, so I found it very practical and her suggestions were very down to earth. Considering how many pagans or magicians sum up their money advice as “do what you love and money will follow” or “don’t worry about money, money is base,” it was a tremendous help to be able to get a reading that combined practical advice with the interpretation of the cards.
So what am I doing? I’ve stopped trying to find freelance writing work for now. I’m refocusing my magical efforts toward office job-type areas, like annointing and sigilizing my resume, breaking out the Jupiterian and Mercurian energy to help me sound confident, and so on. Changing directions is hard. Pushing myself is necessary. It’s not the only angle I’m pursuing, but it needs to get a lot more attention than it has been.
I’m used to turning things over to the gods. “Mara, find me the best solurion for me” requires only that I be looking. It doesn’t mean I have to choose. But it’s still easy to make choices when I’m not paying attention, favoring one outcome over another. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but when I’m not having luck with the outcome I’m leaning on, it can lead to frustration.
There isn’t a perfect answer. Perhaps if there were only one right answer, divination would be able to point me toward it, but my life doesn’t work like that. Sometimes I wish it did – that I only needed to figure out the Answer and the road would become easy. But I like having choices when I feel like I have them, and so that means accepting that I have choices when I feel like I don’t have them, too. That’s another thing I appreciated about the reading; there was no right answer but there were options that had more favorable outcomes and options that were harder.
When I was a kid I loved the parts of scouting about learning how to survive in the wilderness. It’s important, when you’re navigating without a trail, to regularly stop and check your map. It’s easy to get off into the wrong direction. Even if there’s more than one way to get where you’re going, it isn’t every road that leads there.
So I’ve checked my map, and I’ve reoriented myself. And now off I go again.