Uncertainty

I spent a chunk of my long weekend (and praise and thanks to the powers who helped me land a job where I have weekends off and paid holidays again) in a large tube, getting pictures taken of my brain and making sure the hole in it is right where I left it. Of course, thanks to the long weekend, it’ll be several days before a radiologist looks at it and sends their interpretation along to my doctor.

In the meantime… well, praise and thanks to Lady Prozac, handmaiden to Delirium, because I’m actually not a nervous wreck for probably the first time since the original tumor was found. I am still anxious about the results, of course. Despite the fact that I put off getting the MRI as long as possible (because I hate getting MRIs), suddenly now I can’t get an answer soon enough.

There’s been a lot of uncertainty to go around the last few months. I’m settling into the new job now, but there’s a learning curve and what makes me feel settled and sure in a job is feeling like I’m good at what I do. I don’t expect to have that feeling as a brand new employee but not having it is still leaving me feeling a little adrift. Not to mention that now that I have a job we’re talking about moving… 

I keep waiting for it to settle down, but it never really does. I can work to deal with that, though, and find peace where I can, now that I know what it looks like. 

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