Day 20 – Keeping Score

There are so many neat things I want to do: magical ideas I want to attempt, books I want to read, things I want to plant, movies to catch up on, crafts to try, stories to write… It’s really easy to get overwhelmed by it. Yesterday was a good example of that.

Redbird is absolutely right that my follow-through is lacking.

I didn’t go out to call the Dark Lady until late, obviously, but I chanted for her this morning as I walked to work, and on my lunch hour, and on my way home. The sounds are comfortable grooves worn in my thoughts, and it’s so damn helpful to feel like I can use them again.

I spent most of the day thinking about to-do lists and ways to be accountable and keep myself motivated. I actually got pretty frustrated with myself and my never-ending list of projects and how many things I don’t do.

Then I went out to call the Dark Lady and she’s like, you know what you’re doing, right?

To which I answered, getting distracted?

And perhaps you can imagine the night sky itself rolling her eyes, and the wind in the trees sighing in exasperation, and the ducks aggressively floating away.

You’re in such a hurry to be down on yourself that you also don’t value the things you are doing. How can you figure out how to make yourself work harder when you don’t value the work you’re already doing?

Well, she wasn’t wrong.

So the to-do list we’re trying out is actually three different lists. One is for tracking the chores we do regularly, stuff like laundry and dishes and warding and budgeting. One is for fun stuff: writing fiction and nonfiction, needlefelting, jewelrywork, dolls, and the like. And the third is for frogs, really unpleasant or anxiety-making things. Those are generally one-offs of adulting like making important phone calls or going to the dentist. (man, I wish going to the dentist was a one-off….)

They all still live in the same notebook, but they’re not the same list. The important part is it actually does allow me to see what I’m doing and what I’m not doing. The goal is that I can’t keep either extreme hidden from myself. That’s what the Dark Lady’s all about.

 

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